How to feel better right now

Imagine falling into a pit that’s too deep to get out. You call out, but nobody can hear you.

Or imagine this: you’re walking in the woods by yourself, and suddenly, you can’t see anything. You can’t tell North from South.

You start to panic. Then, you grow hopeless. 

Maybe you haven’t experienced this physically. 

What about emotionally?

Some of my best-performing content is when I talk about depression and anxiety. 

Depression and anxiety can feel very isolating. 

And the isolation suffocates like a thick blanket.

You think you’re the only one experiencing this.

The other day, I was reviewing a “depression test” from a well-known psychiatrist, Dr. David Burns. 

Thinking back to my most intense times experiencing depression, I started to calculate my “level of depression.”

“Yiiikes!” I thought.

After I mentally tallied the numbers of the test, thinking back to that pit of despair, my test results were:

“Extreme depression.”

According to Burns, the highest level you can be at. 😭

Thank God I made it out.

Rewind when I had a high volume of cash running through my hands if I were to take the test. I would rate it mild to moderate.

How could you have all the success, money, platform, status, momentum, etc and still live in restlessness, depression and anxiety?

It’s pervasive. Depression and anxiety have no respect for people. It doesn’t matter if you're rich or poor.

If you struggle with these things, it’s okay. 

Some days, I just feel down for no apparent reason. 

Can you relate? 

If so, keep reading so we can explore some solutions.

First, according to Dr. Burns, all feelings START with thinking.

Here’s another way to look at this… if you feel like crap… you first thought like crap.

Epictetus said, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of the things.”

Our thinking shapes our reality.

So, if you change your thinking, you’ll change your feelings.

Here’s what sucks about depression (feeling down) and anxiety; it feels hopeless. It feels like there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

As we become better at recognizing our cognition (thinking or perception), we become better at directing our feelings. 

How depression or anxiety starts is via a distorted thought or perception. 

If you struggle, consider the perceptions you have that are currently distorted.

Okay, here we go:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
   Seeing things in black-and-white terms. If something isn’t perfect, it’s considered a total failure. For example, thinking, "If I don’t get this done perfectly, I’m a failure."
   

2. Overgeneralization
   Drawing broad conclusions based on a single event. For instance, someone might think, "I’ll never find love after a lousy date."
   

3. Mental Filter
   Focusing solely on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positives is like looking through a dark filter that colors your whole perspective.
   

4. Catastrophizing
   Expecting the worst possible outcome, even when it’s unlikely. For example, "If I mess up this presentation, I’ll lose my job."
   

5. Personalization
   Taking responsibility for events outside one’s control or assuming everything is about oneself. For example, "My friend seems upset; it must be because of something I did."
   

6. Jumping to Conclusions
   Making assumptions without sufficient evidence. This can involve mind-reading ("They must think I’m incompetent") or fortune-telling ("I know this project will fail").
   

7. Emotional Reasoning
   Believing that if you feel something, it must be true. For example, "I feel anxious, so this must be dangerous."
   

8. Should Statements
   Using rigid rules about how you or others "should" behave leads to guilt or frustration. For example, "I should always be productive" or "They should know how I feel."
   

9. Labeling
   Assigning fixed, global labels to oneself or others based on specific actions. For example, "I’m a loser" or "They’re just lazy."
   

10. Disqualifying the Positive
    Dismissing or ignoring any positive feedback or experiences. For instance, thinking, "That compliment doesn’t count because they were just being polite."

These distortions were first discovered by Dr. Aaron T. Beck (creator of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and popularized by Dr. Burns. ​​(Burns, William Morrow, 1999).

Feelings are an essential part of being human. They’re the gauges to our internal. 

Feelings and emotions can be scary, so we suppress or numb them. I spent most of my life this way. Gaining awareness of our feelings means we first have to let ourselves feel. 

When we understand our cognitions, we can examine those thoughts and perceptions. 

Step 1: Awareness of our cognitions - what am I feeling leads to what am I thinking?

Step 2: Examine those cognitions - what is the distorted thinking behind the feeling?

Step 3: Reframing the cognition - take a more balanced approach. For example, “Nothing ever works out for me… to this: I've faced challenges before, but I've also had successes. Even if things haven't always gone as planned, I can learn from each experience and keep moving forward.”

If I had training on the next step, “Rewiring Your Cognitions,” would you want it? Reply to this email to let me know.

Here’s to better mental and emotional health in your journey.

All my best,

Chris

Grab Dr. Burns’ book “Feeling Good” here.