I'm Not Okay...

“How are you?”

That’s a question I ask myself quite frequently. I’ve realized for most of my life I haven’t been okay.

Growing up I didn’t learn how to process hard things, trauma or loss in a healthy way.

I developed coping mechanisms to protect myself… most of them not really good for me. Oh the bags of Doritos I’ve consumed. 🤣 

I now see the commonalty of people not “being okay” even though we proclaim we are. Most people are subconsciously coping with unresolved pain, trauma, suffering or hardship.

PAUSE: as this weekly letter is created for founders who want to grow and scale FROM health I think this is a really important topic to talk about and it’s not discussed enough.

There’s no shame in this. Just goodness.

Here’s what the cycle looks like that triggers this process…

> Trigger event (something that hurts, offends, discourages, scares, etc)
> Overwhelm
> Shut down / protection
> Cope

The cycle of this could be micro; small events day to day, i.e. lost sale, or macro; a big event, lost relationship or business.

That’s life. Things happen. How do we deal with those things small or large is important.

I’ve found my unhealthy coping is usually (or can be) consuming or doing (producing) something in excess.

I think often times entrepreneurs utilize “producing” to cope with something going on underneath the surface.

It’s a process we use to numb, distract and drown out the painful, scary or uncomfortable feelings.

To scale from a place of joy and peace we need to know what’s going on under the hood. If we don’t get those parts sorted out we could have a lot of risk in front of us. 🖐️ 

Unhealthy coping looks like:

• Doom scrolling 😅 

• P3rn

• Excessive food, alcohol, drugs, entertainment

• Joking about everything

• Overthinking

• Avoidance

• Toxic positivity (“Everything is fine, you’re fine, i’m fine”)

• Binge / Compulsive shopping

I wish more entrepreneurs were able to be honest with where they’re at. Being honest and saying, “maybe I’m really not okay,” is the first step to getting okay.

In a world of posturing and exalting ourselves, I think is mostly sourced in something not healthy.

In our challenges the following can be some healthy ways to deal with the micro or macro challenges we face.

Healthy coping can look like this:

• Prayer / Meditation

• Journaling

• Creating (writing, art, music, etc.)

• Deep breathing

• Exercise

• Acceptance

• Awareness

• Eating healthy good

• Therapy / Asking for help

• Fly fishing ❤️ 

Fact: Life is hard, and there are challenges.

Things don’t always work out how we want them to. We have losses. We have uncertainties. We have failures. Some things in our control we lose control of. Some things we don’t control have a profound effect on us.

Jump on social for 5 minutes, and you’ll think it’s only you.

Instead of pretending everything is always okay or suppressing the pain and difficulty, I think there is a better way…

To navigate all the “seasons” of life, I think we need to fully learn to process ALL seasons in a healthy way.

Man - when my businesses were producing millions, I was still not “okay.”

I had a lot of unresolved ish going on internally. I’m hoping you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

Also, know I’m not talking at you but with you. ☺️ 

Alright so here are a few steps that I’ve found to be a healthy process to explore how I’m actually feeling and to know what’s going on internally. From this place I can take the appropriate next steps.

Just because you might have “issues” doesn’t mean you’re broken or bad. It means you’re human. Welcome.

1. Get awareness

   
   Awareness is really important to be able to explore what’s happening and why it’s happening internally.

   
   Awareness on what’s happening is step one.
   
   Next, is awareness on why the feelings are happening. I think many “self-aware” people miss this. They’re swimming in negative emotions but can’t place why.
   
   What are the patterns or cycles that I experience on a daily or weekly basis?
   
   Am I actively practicing potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms?

   If so what’s going on?
   

2. Lean in
   

   Leaning in is healthy not dangerous.

   It might seem scary or dangerous but realizing we might have things we need to pay attention to and work through is hard but ultimately really healthy for us.

   
   What are the things that have been the “untouchable” in life that it might be time to open up about?
   

3. Process & Pattern
   

   Develop a new healthy process and pattern. Our brains build patterns to protect us.

   We need to first identity the unhealthy patterns… i.e. lost a client commence the bag of yummy-delicious-cheesy Doritos , source the reason behind it and then replace it with a new healthy pattern.
   
   Train the brain for health and success! Our brains can be rewired. That process takes time and practice.
   
   I’ve found often my pattern could be negative self-talk or a limiting belief that when I explore it is rooted in fiction. Or it’s rooted in a negative experience from my past, where the fiction comes from.
   
   We carry our past into our future unless we rewire the pathways.
   
   Recognizing my unhealthy thinking patterns, emotional patterns and action patterns is needed to install new patterns that will serve me better.

   
   Don’t know about you but I don’t like feeling bad.
   
   So, how are you? Really? 
   
   Yea, we’re going to have sucky days. But is there something going on that’s been consistently NOT okay?

   
   If you’re not… you don’t have to posture or maintain some facade anymore. That’s burden.
   
   If we consistently engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms we probably need to explore why.

   
   Health, joy and peace are calling. ALL of us. ;)
   

   In your corner,

   
   Chris