On Suffering

I've thought a lot about suffering recently.

This week, I had a conversation with my youngest two about suffering. There is so much in life out of our control.

Suffering is pain (that perhaps I didn't anticipate). It comes in all shapes, sizes and forms: physical, emotional, financial, relational, etc.

For me, it's mostly been emotional and financial.

I suffered mainly because the constructs and value systems my life was built on weren't the great hope, safety or security I thought they'd offer.

I had a grand illusion of success and was subsequently disillusioned.

Because my "house" was built on sand, it was obliterated by the bashing of the relentless waves. My identity was intertwined with what I could produce and how much I had.

It was unwise to attempt to get self-worth and self-value from anything outside my innate value. The lack of wisdom in finding identity, worth or value in things external is glaringly apparent to me now.

Why?

Things come and go.

Money
Assets
Beauty
Businesses
Relationships
So on and so forth

If we build our identity on anything outside ourselves and God, we’ll be tossed around like a ship in an Atlantic September hurricane with a brutal ending.

My gratitude for the suffering comes from the visceral process of forcing things to the surface that I needed to deal with, let go of, and finally heal, which opened up so much beauty.

I've been slapped in the face with the realization that things we think matter don't really. For instance, my self-importance relating to my success and achievements. The only value in that was propping up my frail facade.

The blessing of my suffering is it ripped that mask off my face and shattered it on the rocks next to the sand plot my house was built on.

We should give purpose to our suffering. Why?

If we let it, suffering has a tremendous amount of value.

I'm not God. I can't answer all the questions of why certain things happen in this life. I can answer how I'll respond, though.

Suffering has given me the following:

More compassion
More grace
More empathy
More love
More patience
More peace
More joy
Greater character
Greater appreciation

It's given me a greater sense of richness and meaning in life than I ever experienced 32,000 feet in the air on a private jet.

A friend asked me the other day, "What are you most excited about now?" ----- Without hesitation, I said, "My family" (I never would have said that a few years ago).

The fruit I'm seeing in their lives and our relationships as a direct result of my suffering is well worth it, and I'm eternally thankful for it.

So today, maybe you find yourself at some level of suffering. Perhaps you brought it on yourself, or it was outside your control.

It’s okay.

Don’t worry about maintaining something that needs to fall away. That could be some image of something that doesn’t suit you.

It's okay to be broken, sad, scared, hurt, and fearful because that place is where we find true meaning and purpose. That’s the place we can find our true selves. There is so much hope and opportunity in suffering.

And if you are experiencing suffering, all my love and thoughts to you.

Suffering builds character, resilience and beauty. That’s what the world needs more of. Not another “million dollar business owner.” 😃 

Much love,

Chris