Wisdom on Dealing With Fear

I sat frozen.

My body was engulfed in fear.

I could barely tell people were around because I was so consumed by the immovable force that had ruled my life for so long.

Fear.

It was Thanksgiving 2021, and my house was packed. Everybody chatting, laughing… Yet, there I was immobile. I sat there catastrophizing what would happen due to the FTC’s eyes on my business. I went to every worst-case scenario possible.

Fear wasn't always that immobilizing for me.

Often, it was a faint yet familiar lingering, just under the surface. Tolerated, it became an unbridled monster that ruled every aspect of my being.

Looking back on my life, I realize how much I've been ruled by fear.

Fear about failing.
Fear of what people think.
Fear about not having enough.
Fear about making the wrong decisions.
Fear of stepping out into new adventures.
Fear about the outcomes of past mistakes.
Fear about not measuring up to society's expectations.

Fear correctly directed is a lifesaver. If you didn't have the mechanism of fear, you might jump into a river full of crocodiles. Remember Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom? Brutal.

However, we can become enslaved to our fear if we're unaware.

Looking back at my success, many would say, "He's the man." Knowing that I was the reason I had success—a lot of it was because of fear.

I was probably running from something rather than running to something.

If we don't submit to fear, it can (and will) destroy our lives.

I’ve improved at casting fear down, and peace has become the new constant. That peace is like a cool stream on a hot summer’s day.

Consider these thoughts in dealing with fear.

Face it.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power.” — Jim Morrison.

I normalized fear and kept it in the dark. Eventually, to get free, I had to shine a light on it (and still do). I thought keeping my fear in the dark was the safest way. It wasn't. I was hoping that by avoiding it, it would go away.

I encourage and implore you to be bold and courageous and look that fear in the face. When you're ready, this looks like 1. examining that fear (no longer avoiding), 2. facing that fear, 3. embracing the outcomes, 4. allowing it to make you more resilient.

I decided to stop avoiding the intense fear I had about a situation. I have ZERO control over this thing.

How do I face that fear? I communicated what I needed to the people I needed to. Next, I allow and accept whatever the outcome is. I will enable it to forge me.

Key: don’t do it alone. Get help.

“We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action.” — Dr. Henry Link.

Perceive it differently.

I've suffered more in imagination than I have in experience. So, by allowing fear to stay in my imagination, I'm already living what I fear.

Our body responds the same (or very similarly) to an incident that's only imagined compared to what we experience. Therefore, it makes sense for us to follow the flow of facing fear, addressing it and perceiving it differently.

Perceiving it differently removes the fangs. Being aware of the underlying thing I'm afraid of, then facing it and perceiving that I’m making it something it’s not-removes the fangs.

The Shadow in the Dark

A child lies frozen, watching a monster loom in their bedroom corner. Heart pounding, breath caught, they stare at its shifting shadows and terrible shape. Their finger finds the lamp switch. Click. Light floods the room, and the monster dissolves into what it always was—just a coat on a chair.

This doesn't happen overnight.

Get your reps in.

What we think about becomes our reality.

If I'm constantly steeped in fear, that is now my experience. So, I need to start practicing new perceptions (like the one mentioned above). It takes time to develop new thinking habits.

Your DMN (Default Mode Network) is the brain function of daydreaming, imagining and rehearsing scenarios.

Ruminate proactively about good things. This will build new patterns in your mind and create new defaults.

If you're going to ruminate on something, let it be a good thing.

In short:
Reframe your fears.
Ruminate on goodness.

“Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

That’s the word this week!

Much love,

Chris